Beethoven 2

Episode title

☀Here, Beethoven.

Here, boy.

Here's a special treat.

Here, Beethoven.

This is from all of us.

Beethoven.

I want you to have this.

Mom, we're out of toilet paper!

Here!

Come on, kids!

You're gonna be late.

The thing is, the bank has got to see

that what we're doing here is important.

That air fresheners do more

than just freshen air.

- I'm sure that the bank's aware of it.

- I'm sure they are.

If this bank manager has

any imagination, he'll understand.

Ryce, breakfast! Go ahead.

- Tell me how you're gonna start.

- I'm gonna say, "Mr. Bickert...

I woke up one morning a couple

of months ago and I realized something."

- Didn't I have sausage?

- You ate it, honey.

Honey, don't say "challenge."

It's a scary word to a bank.

- Opportunity.

- Ah, good. Much better.

There's a much bigger

opportunity out there.

- Hi, Daddy.

- Hi, honey.

- Good morning, Dad.

- Good morning. Not just...

Not just to connect

people's air fresheners...

- Not now, boy. We're late.

- or to their truck.

Listen to this.

- Ryce, come on!

- Hi, thanks for picking me up.

No.

What am I gonna wear?

Hi. Thanks for picking me up.

What do you think?

Mom, life is amazing.

I'm getting a ride to school

with Michelle and Taylor Devereaux.

- Who's Taylor Devereaux?

- A boy.

A boy.

Not a challenge,

it's an opportunity.

Not just to connect air fresheners

to a person's car or truck...

- but to connect air fresheners...

- Mr. Newton!

to a person's entire life.

You call the pitch.

This is an opportunity

to connect air fresheners...

to a person's car or truck.

Nooo! Ooo-ooh.

Aaah!

Oh, nooo!

Aaah!

Alice, the news kid threw

the paper, knocked the coffee.

- Aw, that's terrible.

- I was trying to concentrate.

Now I gotta change my clothes.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Michelle said you could use

a ride to school.

Yeah.

- Hi.

- HI.

- I'm Taylor Devereaux.

- And I'm Ryce's mom.

- And that's my dad.

- Hi there.

Don't worry.

I'll get Ryce to school and back safely.

Oh, I'm not worried. You're very

handsome, so she can be a little late.

Thanks, Mom.

Bye, Dad.

Seat belts.

What?

That's the best-looking kid

I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, God.

Honey, he's just giving her

a ride to school.

Why does she need a ride?

- It's a two-minute walk.

- Hi, Michelle.

You used to give me

a ride to school, remember?

On a bicycle.

Still, honey, you were very, very...

No, you were quite a...

- Mommy, are we late yet?

- Oh, God, I gotta get goin'!

- Good luck, Dad.

- Thanks.

Okay. It's okay.

Take it easy.

Oooh, George, honey,

your socks!

Aaah! I'm late!

It's okay. Just don't cross

your legs. That's easy, huh?

Beautiful.

- So, you got strawberry?

- Uh-huh.

Has it got real strawberry in it?

I'll have a single cone, please.

What are you gonna have, Missy?

Okay, make that two strawberries.

Let's see.

What, you know this guy?

Huh? Hello? Missy?

I think she's got a date.

Uh, better make that

three strawberry.

Okay, this one's on me.

But next time, you're buying.

Here you go.

There ya go.

How's that? Huh?

Kiss the dog good-bye, Brillo.

Visiting hours are over.

Regina.

Look, what do you wanna take Missy for?

You hate dogs.

- You hate all living things.

- Look, this is not about animals.

It's about alimony. And since I got the

court order, the dog stays with me...

until we negotiate

our little divorce.

Did my lawyer tell you what I want?

Yeah, $50,000.

That's right.

If I had the 50,000,

things would be different, but I don't.

- Well, then get it.

- Which dog, baby?

That one.

The one with the bow.

- That's a big dog.

- Look, just put her in the back.

- Don't do this, Regina.

- Brillo, shut up and pay up!

Come here.

Come on!

Stupid bow.

You want your dog back?

Call my lawyer.

Let's go, Missy.

Move it, stupid.

When we hide that mutt

where he can't see her...

the dumb slob

is gonna fall apart at the seams.

That's when he pays the big bucks.

I know the type. Emotionally

vulnerable. He's a real marshmallow.

Floyd?

- Do me a favor, okay?

- Yes, dear.

People in California generally swallow

before they start talking.

Hey.

I know how to eat in California, okay?

And then we have in every gym bag...

in every locker room, in every health

club in America: sports fresheners.

Here, smell this.

That smells terrible.

Old underwear, unwashed jockstrap,

cheese sandwich.

- That's disgusting.

- But we have a solution!

- Throw in a Newt.

- Throw in a Newton! Now smell it.

I'll take your word for it.

It takes a second to settle.

We really think we have

a winner here, Mr. Bickert.

We just need $45,000 to retool

and get some new machinery.

And $20,000 for a TV commercial.

That's the key.

I can't authorize another loan

to your company...

but I can restructure

your debt...

and extend a secured demand loan

to the two of you as individuals.

- What does that mean?

- Your product flops, you lose your home.

Aha.

- We'll take Alex.

- Jeff.

- James.

- David.

Tim.

J.J.

- We'll get Darrell.

- We get Brian.

We'll take Alex.

We'll takeJeff.

And you can have shorty.

No way. It's your pick.

You take shorty.

Well, we'll take Heather.

- Heather, you wanna play?

- Yeah.

- Can I use this?

- Come on. Let's go.

You know, I've been thinkin'.

- Have you been thinkin'?

- Yes.

What have you been thinkin'?

Well, I'm thinkin',

"What do you think?"

- Well...

- You know what I'm thinkin', hon?

If things keep going

the way they are now...

we're gonna end up

sellin' the house anyway.

Well...

Selling the house isn't exactly

the same thing as losin' the house.

- That's a thought.

- That's what I've been thinkin'.

Hon, it's tossed.

It's done.

Well, thanks for the ride.

You know, I saw you up

in the mountains last summer.

You have a cottage up there?

Uh... no, we just rent one

for a week.

The reason I remember is because when

I saw you, I had this thought.

Well, what thought?

I thought, "I wonder

if she's ever been kissed?"

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Okay.

- Honey, if that's what you think.

- I'll call the bank.

- Good.

- You sure?

- Well...

- Yeah.

Hi, honey.

It's 7:30.

I think Beethoven's

got a girlfriend.

What makes you think that?

He keeps sneaking out

of the house like this.

Come on!

Any sign of her?

No. I looked in the alley.

I looked under the bridge.

I even looked in the new

sewer pipes they're puttin' in.

I don't know where she went.

- What did you come back for?

- I need a shower.

What you need is a brain transplant.

Now, Floyd, go back and find the dog.

Without that dog,

my divorce is worth peanuts!

Relax.

We'll find the dog.

I'll put notices up. Somebody's bound

to see her and bring her back.

Somebody's bound to bring her back?

What year are you livin' in?

No one is gonna bring back

a missing dog.

People don't do things

for each other anymore.

Maybe the dog'll come back on

its own! Dogs are very loyal.

No, Floyd.

Dogs are stupid.

And do you have to stand that way?

Didn't my trainer teach you

how to stand?

How can we have a relationship

if you can't stand.

I'm gonna kill that stupid dog.

That's her.

That's the dog.

Dogs don't knock, Floyd.

Who are you?

Gus, the janitor. I found your dog.

She's down in the storage room.

- I think she's been sleeping there.

- She has? Thank God.

Take the luggage, put it in the car,

bring it out front.

We're gettin' outta here.

Puppies!

Little Beethovens.

Did you and your girlfriend

have babies?

Aren't they the cutest?

Okay, Gus, where's the dog?

I don't know.

I left her right here.

Here, doggie, doggie, doggie.

Here, doggie, doggie.

I don't know how someone like you

manages to hold onto a job, Gus. Missy!

- Where are you, Missy?

- Must be somewhere near here.

- Missy.

- Doggie.

Come here, Missy.

Better come see this.

What is this?

Aren't you one big pain in the butt.

What do you want me to do

with these puppies?

I don't know. Get rid of'em.

Animal shelters charge money

to turn dogs in.

So? Drown 'em.

What do I care?

Let's go, Missy!

Come on, Missy.

You're nothin' but trouble.

The fewer dogs in the world, the better!

I can't believe you got pregnant!

Let's go! Come on!

We gotta do something.

Here, here, take one.

Come on. Let's go, Missy.

Oh, God, this dog.

You know, the little puppies

sure look like purebreds.

Yeah. So?

Puppies like that

are worth big money.

You could sell 'em

at a pet shop and make a bundle.

Ya think so?

- Yeah.

- I never thought of that.

There's a red Mercedes

parked up front.

Tell my boyfriend

to put her in the back.

I'll take care of you later.

Go, Missy, go.

- Why don't you watch where you're goin'?

- Um... hello.

Would you like to buy some candy bars?

They're to raise money for our school.

Oh, really?

How much are they?

Eleven dollars each.

Eleven dollars?

What are you, crazy?

Get your butts outta here

before I call security!

- You don't live here!

- Uh, thank you.

Thank you.

Little puppies!

Come to Regina.

Puppy.

Puppies?

Puppy?

What the...

Those little brats.

We could've made a fortune

on those puppies.

Relax, honey.

The big money's in the backseat.

No one steals from me, ever!

Believe me, Floyd. I'm gonna get those

puppies back if it kills me. Come on.

Hurry up!

Dad's on the lawn.

He won't want puppies.

He didn't even want Beethoven.

Distract him

while I sneak around back.

Ask him a question where he ends up

giving you a lecture.

- Okay.

- Go.

Hi, peanut.

Daddy, where do babies come from?

Babies?

Babies?

Where do they come from?

Well...

Every mommy has a teeny-weeny...

uh, little egg inside her body.

An egg?

Like an Easter egg?

An Easter... No, not-not like an Easter

egg. Smaller than an Easter egg.

Like a robin's egg?

Uh... real-really,

uh... smaller than, uh...

More like a... More like

a goldfish egg, except...

Let's see here.

Uh, it-it-it...

it swims up, uh...

- a-a-a river.

- A river?

A river that-that

every mommy has inside of her...

so, so, uh...

uh, so-so-so...

a teeny-weeny

little egg, uh...

just swims up the, uh,

the, uh, the river.

Now, guys, little squeaks are okay.

Just don't bark until I figure out

what we're gonna do with you.

And there are thousands

and thous... millions!

Millions of tadpoles just swimming

around the teeny little egg...

- in-in-in the itty-bitty river.

- How do the tadpoles get in the river?

They're in there.

They're just in there.

And-And-And the strongest

tadpole of all...

the one that...

the most determined tadpole.

The tadpole that-that would win

the gold medal in the Olympics.

You really don't know

much about this, do you, Dad?

Ryce, come here.

- What is it?

- Shhh. You gotta come downstairs.

Well, I'm studying. I've got a final

on Friday. Why are we whispering?

Puppies! Oh, my gosh.

Where did you get them?

They're Beethoven's.

The lady who owned their mother

was gonna drown them.

Oh, my God.

They're all so cute!

Mom and Dad don't know yet.

We'll wait until Dad's

in a good mood.

Yeah, well, it'll have to be

a really good mood.

Hey, Mr. Newton!

All right, Jordan.

Right down the pike.

Sorry.

- Alice!

- Maybe fresh milk will help.

- Did you get the vet?

- I'm on hold.

Come on, puppy.

Please take a sip.

- It's no use.

- Yes, Doctor.

Yeah, they're very young,

and their mother's gone...

and they won't drink milk

from a bowl.

Milk replacement powder?

With an eye dropper?

Yes.

Six to eight times a day?

Our customers think of themselves

as hypersensitive people.

They think of themselves as at the mercy

of these irritating odors.

I wanna give them

something to fight back with.

When they say, "Throw in a Newton"...

I want people to think of throwing

a grenade, a missile, an atomic bomb...

Slow down.

- I think you're workin' too hard.

- Ya think so?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I know so.

I'm glad Fourth ofJuly's comin'.

We'll go someplace.

Alice, we can't go someplace.

We don't have any money.

I know.

I'm not talking about a big deal.

- I'm talkin' about a small thing.

- Alice, please.

George, just take a minute now.

Do something else. Just relax.

- Go spend time with the kids. All right?

- The kids?

Tuesdays, Thursdays and Friday

mornings are gonna be trouble.

What about the other days?

On Monday and Wednesday,

I have a free period in the morning.

Em and I will do the lunch hour

feeding while Mom's at the office.

Any way you can get home

and back during recess?

Morning recess is too short.

- Afternoons we can.

- If we run.

Kids!

Shoot. Here, take this. Go on.

Kids?

- Hi, kids.

- Hi, Dad.

Did we forget

to do something?

No.

Would you like us

to do something?

No.

You're playing Monopoly! Can I be

the battleship? Can I be the banker?

Um, well...

Emily's banker.

It helps improve

my math skills.

- It does?

- And I'm the property man.

We're almost through.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Next time you're gonna play,

call me, okay?

- Okay. Sure.

- Okay?

- Bye, kids.

- Bye.

Bye.

Em, I told you not to

bring them up here.

That was close. Okay, now who wants

Tuesdays and Thursdays?

"Dear Miss Anderson...

please excuse Ryce from classes

on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday...

because she has to go to the doctor's

to get allergy shots.

yours truly,

George M. Newton."

Ah, forget her.

He likes you. He told me.

God, you can see her bra

right through her shirt.

Like totally accidental,

I'm sure.

Come on.

Come on, you guys.

Hungry?

Honey?

What do you think of spearmint

for racquetball players?

Or should it be peppermint?

What do you think about

spearmint for soccer players?

Do you think there's enough soccer

players to justify their own scent?

They're eating.

They're eating by themselves.

Whoa, it's early for bed

for you two tonight.

- Hello?

- Mrs. Newton?

Linda Anderson,

Ryce's chemistry teacher.

- Yes.

- I'm calling to see if she's all right.

- Why, did something happen?

- No.

It's just that with less than

eight weeks of school left...

and her missing classes

to get her allergy shots...

she might have a problem

catching up.

Allergy shots?

Come on in.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I just got off the phone

with Miss Anderson.

You wanna tell me

what's goin' on, Ryce?

I can't.

You can't?

Oh, honey, yes, you can.

We've always been very honest

with each other, haven't we?

Are you skipping school

to spend time with boys?

Because if you are,

there was a time...

No, Mom. No. I'm not using drugs

and I'm not pregnant.

What's goin' on?

Ted, Emily and I have been hiding

four puppies in the basement.

Honey, I'm home!

Don't tell your dad.

I show him the hockey player. He flips

for the mahogany vanilla. He loved it.

He wants to smell the rest of the line

right away. The buzz is really starting.

There's a buzz.

Did you hear that, kids?

Now, now, now, on another front,

this is a big one.

Due to a special request

from your mother...

I have found the perfect vacation spot

for a family with a limited cash flow.

Wait a minute. We can't

afford anything right now.

No. This we can afford.

Our Velcro supplier,

Fred Serbiak...

has been offering us his cottage

in the mountains for years.

Well, it's empty this Fourth ofJuly,

and since you have told me...

that there'll be no business

this Fourth ofJuly, I said yes.

So, this Fourth ofJuly...

we are going to spend four

fun-filled days at Fred Serbiak's...

- mountain getaway absolutely free!

- Oh, my God.

- Honey, this is gonna be great.

- Yeah.

Fred was a little concerned

that we had a dog...

but I said our guy

wouldn't be any trouble.

Isn't that right,

you little Chihuahua, you?

Bless you. I mean no business,

no phones, no nothing.

Bless you. I mean no business,

no phones, no nothing.

I'm gonna run a load

through the dishwasher.

Isn't it customary to do that

after we have dinner?

- Uh... yeah.

- I don't know about you guys...

but I really need a break.

Just a few days to get away.

Are those sounds coming

from outside or in the basement?

Outside.

I think I'm hearing something

from the basement.

Oh, no!

Roll, anyone?

No, no, no, no!

Look, this is not one dog. This is

five dogs. I know they're cute now.

But pretty soon

they're gonna be monster dogs.

They'll destroy our house...

they'll ruin the Serbiak cottage,

and they'll drive me out of my mind.

Hygienically, emotionally, financially,

we cannot afford these dogs.

Do you think I'm crazy?

Don't give me those looks.

The answer is no!

They would be a lot of trouble,

wouldn't they?

Trouble? Four puppies?

Five Saint Bernards?

It's beyond trouble.

Well, was I a lot of trouble

when I was a baby?

No.

- What about when there were three of us?

- Yes.

Well, would you rather have had less

trouble and stopped after you had me?

- You're our children. These are dogs.

- These are our children.

I don't want to be responsible

for five dogs.

You don't have

to be responsible.

We've been responsible.

We've gone through hell for these dogs.

And if being responsible means

that we have to lose them now...

then I hate responsibility.

Dad, we kept them alive just

like you and Mom kept us alive.

And you're not gonna

take them away from us.

Look. If we keep them now, when they're

bigger we can find them new homes.

But this should be a situation

the whole family can live with.

Look!

- Yea!

- Oh, thank you so much, Dad.

No! Don't bring them over to me.

This is a mistake!

Now that the puppies are part of

the family, we should give them names.

Well, this one's a girl,

so how about if we call her Morgan?

- No, she looks more like a Dolly.

- What does a Dolly look like?

- Like her.

- Okay.

Then I get to name this one.

Since his dad's name is Beethoven...

then his name should be...

Tchaikovsky.

I like it, but it

sounds kinda goofy.

What should we name him, hmm?

He looks like a Chubby.

Definitely a Chubby.

You're cool. You're the coolest one

in the whole family.

I'm gonna name you Mo.

- Mo, like in Mozart?

- No, Mo like in Mohawk.

Look at his hair.

Mo. Cool. Hey, Mo.

What do ya know?

Stay in there. No!

No, no!

Puppy!

Puppy!

Was it a fish filet?

It was burgers, right?

I need a large fry and...

Hi. May I have your order, please?

And would you like fries

with your cheeseburger? Thank you.

Look, it has a dock!

And a motorboat!

- Hold on.

- Dad, look at this. Watch.

Oh, this is beautiful.

Wow. Fred has some place.

I hadn't realized there was

that kind of money in Velcro.

This was a great idea.

Hi.

There's some hot chocolate,

if you want some.

Oh, thanks.

Trouble sleeping?

Yeah. New bed.

- What's that?

- The Serbiak's family album.

Oh, yeah?

Here you go.

- Hey, that's Mr. Serbiak, right?

- Right.

Who's that guy

with the mustache next to him?

That's Mrs. Serbiak.

They must have been dating

at this time.

How come you and Mom don't have any

pictures from when you were this age?

Well, you know, after high school,

she went off to college and...

we really didn't see each other

that much for about four years.

So how did you keep it together?

- Letters.

- Letters? That's it?

I wrote two, three letters a day.

I write a very nice letter.

Must have been hard.

I mean, being away

from someone you love.

Being away from someone you love is one

of the hardest things in the world.

I mean, there were times that I wondered

if I'd even see her again.

You could have the dog

just as soon as I get my check.

Yes. Look, you have my word.

Yes. Okay, bye-bye.

Ha! He took out a loan.

He sold some bonds.

I knew he couldn't live

without that dog.

Good.

If I have to put up with much more

of these birds and these trees...

and all this nature crap,

I'm gonna puke.

What's the matter with her?

I don't know.

Maybe she's hungry.

Hungry? Just... Ow!

I just fed her yesterday, for cryin'

out loud. She gotta eat every day?

Don't start with the "I wants."

We're just getting basic groceries,

no silly stuff.

- 'Cause we're not millionaires, right?

- Right.

- Are we thousandaires?

- Well, not exactly.

- Maybe by Christmas?

- Maybe.

Hope nobody thinks Beethoven's

on sale for 50 cents, huh?

- Very funny, Mom.

- Oh, come on now.

I don't criticize your jokes, do I?

Can you believe they don't sell

Evian water in there?

And they look at me

like I'm a weirdo.

And you try talkin' to 'em,

it's like nothin's goin' through.

- Come on.

- Yes, dear.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- You're new here, right?

- Yeah.

- What's your name?

- Ryce.

- Ryce? Like the food?

- Yeah.

I'm Seth. It's not a food group

or anything, but it works.

You know, "Seth, get up. Seth,

fix the boat. Seth, you're grounded."

It's fairly basic.

Are you gonna be around for a while?

Actually, I was looking

for the Devereauxs.

You know.

Um, Taylor Devereaux?

- Do you know where he lives?

- Yeah. Um.

My dad and I sell 'em firewood.

He lives over on the west shore.

Could you take me there?

Sure. Hop on.

The big one's Chubby.

The one with the bows is Dolly.

The brown one's Tchaikovsky, and

the small one's Mo. And, uh, I'm Ted.

Hi, Tchaikovsky.

So, uh, can I

buy you a Coke?

- Aren't I a little tall for you?

- Well, uh, not for me.

- Aren't you a little short?

- Well, height's just temporary.

When you wake up in the morning,

you're a little taller.

- Right?

- No.

See ya.

- Down there.

- Thanks.

- Did ya find him?

- Yeah.

All right,

watch this one.

Hello there.

Uh, Dad, this is Seth.

Um, he gave me a ride in from town.

- How long you had that bike?

- A couple years.

Splitting wood?

Yeah. Gotta be

careful with those.

Yeah.

Nice meeting you.

You like that guy?

I don't know.

What do you think?

Yeah, fine.

- You like his earring, though, right?

- Oh, I love his earring.

I'm gonna get a pair

for each ear.

Okay. If he asks me to marry him,

I'll tell him I need a little more time.

Marry him.

- Mom, can I ask you a question?

- Sure.

Did you ever like two guys

at one time?

Yeah, I did.

How did you end up choosing Dad?

Well, Daddy was a...

Oh, my God.

He made me laugh. That's for sure.

Okay, honey. All right.

Oh, dear. Okay.

All right, honey. Okay.

All right. You know

you're gonna fall. I'm gonna fall.

Honey, please.

- Is that you?

- Hi.

What are you doin' here?

- We were just taking a walk.

- Well, come on up. I'll show ya around.

Uh, I don't know.

It's kind of late.

Come on! Come on!

You might wanna tie

that fur ball up.

- Would you like a beer?

- No, just water, please.

- Hey, relax. Have a beer.

- No, I don't drink.

How do you know that?

I mean, maybe you do drink,

but you just don't know it yet.

Look, she doesn't wanna drink,

she doesn't wanna drink.

Hey, gentlemen,

what time is it?

It's brewski time!

You know, I probably should be

getting home pretty soon.

He'll be fine.

I promise.

Just come upstairs and see the view.

Just for a second.

Come on.

Come on.

Okay. Just for a second, though.

You know what's so strange

is that I just had a dream about you.

Has that ever happened? You dream about

somebody and then you run into them?

Hey, a dog.

You want a beer, big guy?

He said yes.

Oh, no!

- That's cool!

- That's cool!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, my gosh.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Hey, remember that time

we kissed in my car?

I still think about that.

Oh, this is gonna be great.

Um, we should probably

go back down to the party.

Did you lock the door?

Hey, puppy!

Taylor, this isn't funny.

Just unlock the door.

Ryce, relax. This is gonna be

an experience you're never gonna forget.

Whoa!

Aaaah!

Hey, Taylor, great party!

Thanks, Beethoven!

Dear God, we have these puppies,

and we really, really, really love them.

And Daddy says when they get bigger,

we have to give them away.

And I know you're

really busy and everything...

but I was wondering

if you might be able to make it...

so they could just

stay puppies forever.

Then we could keep them.

Thank you.

It was like my favorite day of the year.

They had this roller coaster.

The Pippin;

I loved it.

TheJackrabbit,

that was another one.

These French fries are fantastic.

I'm gonna get some more.

- Aren't you full after that breakfast?

- It's a vacation.

You're supposed to pig out. Fudge!

George, slow down.

- Can I go on some of the rides?

- Sure. Ted, will you take her?

- Oh, sure, but I need some money.

- Now stay together.

- Should we leave the dog?

- We won't be that long. She'll be fine.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Hey, give me those.

- What are you gonna do, string bean?

- They're mine.

- Ah, used to be. Not anymore.

- Give them back.

- If you want 'em, come and get 'em.

- Give 'em back. They're mine!

- Hey!

Hey, what, shorty?

- You wanna see what my dog can do?

- What?

My dog. I wanna show you

what he can do.

Beethoven, sit.

Oh, I'm impressed... not!

Now bug off!

One more.

Beethoven, bark.

You wanna get your face crushed, shrimp?

Get lost!

Last one.

I promise.

Beethoven...

bite this guy in the wiener.

I think these are yours.

Thanks, Ed.

Ted.

That was really cool, Ted.

Still wanna get that Coke?

Sure. But I'm buyin'.

Come on, kid.

Four balls for a buck.

Thank you, sir.

- Hey.

- Hey, Ryce. How's it goin'?

- Pretty good.

- You here with your parents?

Yeah. You know,

family togetherness time.

My dad's like,

"Hey, you wanna play some Scrabble?"

With my dad it's,

"You wanna get up and go hunting?"

- Here you go.

- Oh, thanks.

Well, I'll see ya later.

Um, hey, do you wanna go

on a picnic or something?

- Sure.

- Great.

- I have to ask my dad, though.

- Oh.

Well, your dad will say no. He thinks

I'm a dumb, unsophisticated hick.

- No, he doesn't.

- No, it's okay.

He just doesn't know me yet.

Once he gets to know me, he'll think

I'm a smart, unsophisticated hick.

- I like your bear.

- Oh, you like my bear?

- Yeah.

- I won it just for you.

- Miss, could I have two popcorns?

- Here you go.

- I'll have another order of these.

- Hey, Dad! Dad, great news!

- Great nachos!

- We entered you in this cool contest.

Oh, no. I couldn't possibly

do anything physical right now.

You don't have to do anything.

You just sit there.

Beethoven's gonna help you.

What kind of contest is it

where you just sit there?

And now, teaming man

and man's best friend...

our seventh annual Burger Binge.

Team number one:

Arthur Lewis and Wolfgang!

And in second position,

champions for three years running:

Cliff Klamath and Jaws.

Ya hungry, Cliff?

I'm starving, Steve.

And in third position,

let's give a nice warm welcome...

to a couple of out-of-towners:

George Newton and Beethoven.

We got just one simple rule.

The team that eats the most burgers

in three minutes wins.

Contestants!

Are you ready?

Are you set?

Go!

Dad, come on!

Go, Dad!

Come on, Dad! Come on!

Hey, wimp!

Where's your appetite?

He's not a wimp!

He's my dad!

Hey, look at that slobber

on that Saint Bernard's mouth!

- Yeah, drool face!

- Drool face!

- Drool face! Drool face! Drool face!

- Wimp! Wimp!

Let's go, big fella!

All right!

There we go!

Go! Go! Hey, look!

We're in the homestretch.

Got seconds to go!

Ten, nine...

eight, seven...

six, five, four...

three, two...

Good boy, Beethoven.

Now we determine the winner.

And with only

three burgers left...

the winners are

George Newton and Beethoven!

Yeah! All right!

- Way to go! All right, Dad!

- You did great, honey.

Congratulations, Beethoven.

You, too, Beethoven.

Isn't this entertaining,

hicks and their dogs.

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine. I'm fi...

Whoa!

- Floyd, go check on Missy.

- She's fine.

Look, I got a feeling.

Just go check on her.

All right.

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, you gotta be

kiddin' me. Oh, boy.

Eleven dollars

for chocolate bars, huh?

- It's her.

- But they're our puppies.

- They're not yours.

- Give 'em back!

Hey, these puppies belong to the mother,

and the mother belongs to me.

So get lost.

- You can't have 'em.

Kiss the puppies good-bye, sweethearts.

You're never gonna see them again.

Missy took off with that other big mutt.

They headed up the mountain.

- What?

- Their stupid dog!

If I find your stupid dog,

you're never gonna see him again.

- Gimme them mutts.

- Take 'em.

We have to tell Mom and Dad.

Go find Mommy and Daddy.

Go find Mommy and Daddy. Yes.

Go find Mommy and Daddy. Go on.

It's workin'!

Come on!

They just took 'em? What kind

of a person takes puppies from kids?

- She's a bad person, Dad.

- She was gonna drown them.

- We'll get those puppies back.

- Come on. Let's go.

Puppies!

Beethoven!

That's right, puppies.

Go find your mommy.

Ugh! I hope those stupid puppies

find their mother.

I'm gettin' tired

of followin'...

Oh, I'm a mess.

He's leakin' on me!

He's peeing on me!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Look!

Puppy poops!

If it's warm, that means

we're close. Touch it.

- No, you touch it.

- I'm not gonna touch it.

I'll touch it.

It's warm.

Okay, good. They're close.

Better wash your hands.

- Whoa! Whoa!

- Oh, my God! Floyd!

Floyd!

Floyd, where are you?

Those puppies,

They're gonna pay for this.

- Floyd!

- Regina!

- What's on your head?

- It's a stump. I can't get it off.

Bend over.

Thanks, Regina!

There they are.

- I'll get Missy.

- And I'll take care of the rest of'em.

Come on.

Get him away from me!

- Get back!

- Hook him! Come on!

Hook him!

Aha! Thought you'd get

away from me, didn't ya?

- Here, Floyd.

- Hey, you want some of this?

You're not gonna come to Regina?

Come on, Missy. Regina loves you.

You can't have him!

You fat, useless lump

of lard! Come on!

Hey, you want some of this?

Back off!

Put the puppy down.

- Well, look who we have here.

- Back off. You're outta your league.

Put the puppy down!

- You mean this puppy?

- No, no!

- Put the puppy down.

- You want this puppy?

- Huh? You can't have him.

- What kind of a person are you?

You don't like me?

What kind of a person are you?

Put the puppy down.

Can we talk about this?

Can we calm down?

This doesn't have to get ugly.

Put the puppy down.

You ain't seen ugly.

That ain't ugly.

That's ugly!

Hold on!

Shut up, and don't do us any favors!

Take your stinkin' puppies

and stuff it!

- Yeah, stuff it!

- Shut up!

We're gonna help you!

It will be all right!

You idiot!

- This whole dog business was your idea!

- My idea?

You stupid! You got me into this!

I didn't even care

about them dogs!

Well.

You hungry?

Honey, I'm home! Things are goin'

so great. We have...

Dad, wake up. Wake up.

What's wrong, Dad?

I'll get it!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Come on in.

- Oh, thanks.

- You ready to go?

- Yeah, I just have to get my jacket.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay. Great.

- You taking Ryce to a concert?

- Uh, yes, sir.

- Are you driving your motorcycle?

- I brought my dad's Jeep.

- Jeep!

- Oh, a Jeep. That will be fun.

- Don't ya think? How ya doin', Seth?

- Oh, good. How are you?

- Fine. Have a nice time tonight.

- Thank you.

- You have a nice time.

- You look sweet, Ryce. Excuse me.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi, Brillo.

Look who's here.

- Hi, Missy.

- Hey, Missy.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

I've got some good news.

I just came from court.

The judge threw out Regina's claim.

- That's terrific.

- I keep Missy, and Regina gets nothing.

- She deserves it.

- That's wonderful.

Congratulations.

And she'd really like to see

her kids. Are they around?

Yeah. Puppies!

Puppies, your mother's here!

Puppies!

Oh, puppies!

Appearances

 * George Newton
 * Andy Ward
 * Ludwig Von Beethoven
 * Ryan Mystery Meme
 * Veejee

Notes & trivia

 * This filmed proved that Vermont is a lie.